Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
