mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
