Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
