Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
