Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
