i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
