those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
