don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
