If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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