i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize