i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
