hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
