there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
