i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
