if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
