Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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