If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
