i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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