I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
