Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
