I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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