omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
