she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
