She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
