You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
