when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
