Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
