is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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