Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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