Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
