You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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