Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
