I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
