You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
