So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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