I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
