new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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