I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
