last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
