great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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