what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
