i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
