i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
