I am in a vortex of obligation.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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