is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
