My balls are so social today.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
