Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
