he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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