Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Say something about gay babies.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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