I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
